Box of candies and flowers sticking out of your rectum

Imagine going to the doctors with a box of candies and flowers sticking out of your rectum.  How do you explain what happened to you?  Your ego won’t let you say, “my wife beat me up.”  So I guess you can say, “My wife decided that it would look better if flowers were sticking out of my anus rather than a vase and why let the candy take the long route to my large intestines.”

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